So, its been a while. BORING UPDATE BLOG.

Well, as the title suggests this will be a bit of an update blog so I am sorry if its a bit shit and drags on and on and on. I have been pressured into this a bit by the torrent of constant abuse from freeman to stop neglecting my blog.

So, if you have had your head up your arse for the last few months or I dont really talk to you anymore(wether that be a good thing or a bad) I am now living in London. This unprecedented turn around in my life came because someone was nice enough to give me a job which I could not afford to turn down. So at ten days notice my life was in a bag and luke and adams couch beckoned(for what turned out to be a lengthy stay).

My second night in London provided us all with the most bizarre evening. Luke wanted us all to go to this houseparty as he had a girl waiting for him who was 'in the bag' already(she was from wigan of all places) so we went along. When we got to the party I dont think any of us could believe it. There was five of us and seven of the hottest women ive ever seen in the same building. It was like someone was staging a reality tv show and we where the joke. The party promised good things but never delivered on any of them sadly as the girls almost certainly didnt drink enough.

My first few weeks of work and subsequent few weeks spent on my friends couch provided to be a really interesting and highly entertaining time. Including one of the unfittest games of football I have ever had the pleasure of playing in and some of the hottest conditions ive ever felt in England. Most of the players where hung over or half cut. I also got to experience 'Bodeans' American Grill restaurant which rob had talked about almost none stop since id been in London.

My last night at luke and adams was the night of the 'the hotel' wrap party which was taking place in Soho. I had to leave halfway through adams recording of 'mix gunna give it to ya' to head of into Soho to meet up with rob. I was already pretty drunk and rob was keen to play catch up so we tried to find an offie that would sell us some booze, failing this we found a japanese shop which sold me beer and rob saki. We abused some dutch guy who was looking for something for his cat and left. We stumbled upon duncan, who was already on his way to the wrap party and he was confused by our drunkeness. When we entered the wrap party we found out it was free booze, so we duly accepted the challenge to continue the reputation we had carefully built ourselves over the course of the previous summer... and that was to be complete and utter liabilities when drunk. I was in a bad way, about 30 minutes in, after all the greeting nonsense was out that way. I got a telling off from the barman for standing on a chair and trying to remove a fake budgie from its cage and halfway through the premier of the first episode I spilled my drink in the company of some pretty important people. We also got free food, which was excellant, and by the end of the night the women was just leaving the unfinnished trays next to me and rob. Dicking about aside though this was a pretty good evening and it was really good to get to see alot of people we had got to know quite well over the course of the shoot. It was nice to see everyone doing so well, shame John McClain couldnt be there.

I moved into my flatshare about two weeks ago now and its nice, im starting to feel at home. The people are nice and my room, although it felt weird at first is starting to feel alot more personal. The flat is pretty cool, its fairly big and has a pretty boss terrace at the back for bbqs and stuff.

I went home for a hectic weekend where I tried to see as many people as humanly possible. It started with a heated debate with the mother as she had packed all my shit into the loft and under my bed and couldnt tell me where any of it was. I have since been talked around by a certain someone that it is partially my fault and that I miss my mother, who would have knew?

I then proceeded to head to the lakes with olly and barry. I introduced them both to my inner desire to be a rally driver after I thrashed maddie around the back roads of GT which had olly(I noticed) gripped his doorside handle.

The gathering this year was good. I felt like I could never fully enjoy it knowing that id be cutting it in half but I still loved it. It was good to see so many people and especially when stubbs and rachel turned up on the saturday night unannounced, that was good. My personal highlight was the posters put up by ormskirk network, and the fact that people have started to like us but we still despise them. It was good to get out on the hill aswell and it made me realise it might be my last time in the lakes this year which is scary.

Today I got my keys at work, which is great, as it means im a full member of the team now pretty much. It also means however that I can now be victim to the same attacks in the balls the other kit room boys can, mainly by nik I imagine, so I need to be on guard for a few weeks I think. It feels good though to be gaining more responsibility, I just hope I dont fuck it up.

Sorry about this been a bit of a shit blog, I needed to get this out the way though so I can start writing about pointless funny shit again.

and to freeman, who is seemingly increasingly worried I am going to pick up southern traits. I think ill be ok freeman, I come across many people a day and hear many accents, but hardly any of them of british, let alone from the south. Ill have more chance of coming to your wedding sounding like I come from Lahore than I do London.

My tags should ensure this is not a bad blog for the ratings.

Lewis x

My New Favourite Blog/ damn you Barry!

So I have a new favourite blog. Its brilliant. The only downside to it is that I didnt come up with it. Well played Barry.

Please let one of them find out they are been mocked.

Click here to view.

Lewis

My Favourite 50 Beatles Songs.

So, after speaking a while back with Luke and Kyle in London on our way home from the Pub(we could not be arsed paying for the bus) we started talking about what songs would make our Top 50 ever Beatles songs. We pretty much discussed it all the way home and then never really mentioned it again.

The recently I have been hammering my Beatles albums more than ever. So I thought I would have a go at compiling my list. It was hard. I have actually been working quite alot for about a week.

Numbers 1-15 are in some sort of order but all 50 to me are great songs or they wouldn't be in the list. The First song on the list and the only one I am 100% sure of its position is 'In My Life' which is at Number one. It probably is my favourite song of all time, certainly my favourite song by Lennon.

So here it is:

1. In My Life – Rubber Soul – Lennon with McCartney

2. Revolution - Hey Jude(US) – Lennon

3. Helter Skelter – The Beatles – McCartney

4. Oh! Darling – Abbey Road - McCartney

5. Any Time At All – A Hard Days Night - Lennon with McCartney

6. The Night Before – Help - McCartney

7. Your Going To Loose That Girl – Help – Lennon

8. Im Happy Just To Dance With You – Help – Lennon and McCartney

9. Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me and My Monkey – The Beatles- Lennon

10. It Wont Be Long – Meet The Beatles – Lennon with McCartney

11. Two of Us – Let It Be – McCartney

12. Girl – Rubber Soul – Lennon

13. I Am The Walrus – Magical Mystery Tour – Lennon

14. Im Only Sleeping – Revolver – Lennon

15. I Want You(She's So Heavy) - Abbey Road – Lennon

16. Dont Let Me Down – Hey Jude(US) – Lennon

17. I Should Have Know Better – Hey Jude(US) – Lennon

18. You Wont See Me – Revolver – McCartney

19. Twist And Shout – Please Please Me – Russell

20. Come Together – Abbey Road – Lennon

21. Got To Get You Into My Life – Revolver – McCartney

22. All Ive Gotta Do – Meet The Beatles – Lennon

23. Eleanor Rigby – Revolver – McCartney with Lennon

24. Wait – Rubber Soul – Lennon and McCartney

25. I Me Mine – Let It Be – Harrison

26. The Long And Winding Road – Let It Be - McCartney

27. Get Back – Let It Be – McCartney

28. Hey Jude – Hey Jude(US) – McCartney

29. Drive My Car – Rubber Soul – McCartney with Lennon

30. Your Mother Should Know – Magical Mystery Tour – McCartney

31. If I fell – A Hard Days Night – Lennon with McCartney

32. Back In The U.S.S.R – The Beatles – McCartney

33. Another Girl – Help – McCartney

34. You've Got To Hide Your Love Away – Help – Lennon

35. Roll Over Beethoven – With The Beatles – Berry

36. Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band - “ - McCartney

37. A Day In The Life – Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band – Lennon with McCartney

38. Nowhere Man – Rubber Soul – Lennon

39. If I Needed Somebody – Rubber Soul – Harrison

40. For No One – Revolver - McCartney

41. We Can Work It Out – 1962-1966 – McCartney with Lennon

42. From Me To You – 1962-1966 – Lennon and McCartney

43. Something – Abbey Road – Harrison

44. Maxwells Silver Hammer – Abbey Road – McCartney

45. Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds – Sgt. Peppers – Lennon

46. Norwegian Wood – Rubber Soul – Lennon with McCartney

47. While My Guitar Gently Weeps – The Beatles – Harrison

48. And Your Bird Can Sing – Revolver – Lennon

49. Eight Days A Week – The Beatles VI - Lennon and McCartney

50. I Need You – Help – Harrison

There are many other songs I would love to have put in here but then it would not have been a challenge to make the list.

What do people think? Have I missed out your favourite? and have I put in some rubbish? Please Discuss.

Things this has taught me is that Lennon is my favourite writer of the lot but actually McCartney was not as far behind as expected. Harrison wrote some quality songs and Ringo Starrs songs are shite.

My favourite album is Rubber Soul closely followed by revolver.

So I leave you with this speech from 'Live at the BBC' involving most of the band. Enjoy

Lewis

Dont you just love awkward situations?

I have just got in from walking up to the shops to collect my mums blood money(keep) from the cash machine in the village when on the way back I noticed I was walking just ahead of a neighbour of mine who lives at the top of our road.

I know him fairly well for a neighbour and we talk quite often when we see each other and we also recently, with some other people from the street, spent the whole day smashing and clearing ice off our road.

However I was still a good five or six minutes away from my house and I didnt have that much material in which to talk to him about so I quickened my pace.

It was to no avail, as he is quick. I could hear him catching me but I daren't turn around for fear of having to engage in conversation. So as the tension cranked up and he could not have been more than a few feet behind me he turned off into the first entrance into our estate. 'Thank Christ' I thought now I have everted that situation.

Although I hadn't.

Because now I had the shorter route back to our road and he had the faster walking pace. So much faster infact that I was almost certain that he would be able to do his route in roughly the same time as it would take me to do mine and we would meet at the corner of the bottom of our street.

So I deflected of my normal route in favour of a slightly longer route in hope that this would bring me just behind him going up the road and I would get away with the whole situation. It wasn't even about not talking to him now, it was about the fact that quite obviously on two occasions I had opted out of the fastest route to my house in order to not have to walk side by side with this fellow.

As I was coming up the bottom of my road, from my diverted route, there he was. Heading straight for the corner of our street and would get there at exactly the same time that I would. I clocked him, he clocked me. We where pretty much starring at each other and I just started to laugh as I am awful at keeping a straight face.

"I was having a personal race against you then" I quickly made up.

"Yeah I walk fast" he beamed, "4 and a half miles an hour, I like to keep fit"

Jesus, I thought, out paced by a pensioner.

Lewis

A Highland Hogmanay Adventure.

Over the holidays we continued our annual assault on some wintery mountains in Scotland(even though this was my first year of the three due to critical levels of funds, which where only marginally better this christmas) only to find that quite a big thaw had set in which left little amounts of snow and bullet hard ice. Which was nice(shit rhyme).

Me, matt, fonzie, freeman and mathers where on all aboard the love trains for what promised to be one hell of a sexy week. Me and The Fonz where heading up a day late however to ensure we got to ride in the bitching Audi. Our destination was the Inchree centre for we had booked ourselves a chalet for the five nights. On the journey up where were listening to Papa Fonzies Ipod and this proved to be quite fruitfull in what it delivered. There was probably no more than 6 or 7 albums on the Ipod which consisted of love song combinations, one hit wonder compilations and NOW's from the oldschool. I think my favourite song of the journey was on our last leg home when we found this beaut. I fucking loved this.

"we can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands" Brilliant.

When me and Fonz had arrived the rest of them where still out on the hill and we had to ask for a spare key at reception. This was bad because there was 5 of us and there was only meant to be 4 in a chalet. So we had to be covert. Since we had to be covert I thought it would be best if the trained assassin that is Fonzie would be the right person to go in and get the job done, since if shit did go down he could get rid of everybody in a flash. So anyway, im waiting outside in the cold, in dashing distance of the bushes incase it goes tits up and all of a sudden the door opens and out comes fonzie. Just as I am halfway through saying "well done fonzie" a blond women follows him out. "Fuck, he's pulled already" I thought... worse, it was the women who had the key and fonzie had offered her a lift up to her flat, the dark horse. So now theres me, fonzie and blond women in the car going up to her flat, when she pipes up "isnt there 4 people in there alreadt?" she was wrong and this made it easier to lie. She was also foreign so could not sense our lies.

Our first day on the hill(which turned out to be my only day on the hill) proved eventful. If you want to read a better write up of this than mine is going to be then check out this. We headed over towards Creise and had to negotiate some tricky frozen rivers which was fun. We then spotted an ice route on the way that had matt nursing a semi and he said he would have to come back and do it someday as it did look pretty spectacular. The rest of them then had a play on some ice and after a lot of abuse and persuasion they managed to make me put my crampons on and go and join them. It took me about five minutes just to move as I was completely shitting myself. Soon enough though we where heading up snow slopes which was fine by me.

We then (against my will) headed up the originally intended route which was a grade 3. It started with an ice pitch, which as we have now established is my favourite. In truth it wasn't too bad, until about half way up I fell off. I fell about 2 meters and was left dangling for about 5 minutes before I mustered the strength to get up and carry on, which was interesting. But actually I enjoyed it when I looked back. We then proceeded to walk down the nice easy gully I had my eye to go up in the first place, which was interesting. Again however this was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.

I did take another tumble(or two) on the way down and knew I had hurt my foot and ankle but wasn't sure how bad. Turns out when we finally got back to the chalet that things where very swollen around that area which was not good. Did mean however that I got to spend the rest of the trip drinking and eating, which is a favoured past time of mine.

The next day was a complete write off for everyone as we where all trashed so we headed into Fort William for an afternoon watching matt contemplating spending his fathers money and mainly sitting in pubs. We had to head back in good time though as we had guests coming that evening and we still needed to cram in a man session whilst we watched RED.

Later on that evening Charly and Phil turned up in the passion wagon to pay us a visit. I was making chilli and they had brought snacks. They also abused our shower. We then watched the 'ruder, cruder, nuder' version of 'sex drive'. Earlier in the day us 5 had watched the normal version and liked it so much we where now going to watch the extended version. You know its going to be good when at the start the director comes on the screen and says "please dont watch this if you have not seen the original as this is not a film, its trash for fans".

That night fonzie got some battle scars on his forehead when he went outside and butted some ice because he is hard. He also said he learnt his lesson.

Cant really remember many details so ill cut straight to new years eve. We went to a hotel down the road and situated ourselves in the bar for some food. We quickly noticed that everyone else had dressed up and that maybe this would not be our sort of evening. This was until we all got smashed and then them worried quickly drifted away.

It was honestly the best new years eve I can remember and I had so much fun. Doing a Ceilidh was so good even though they wanted to do it like five times and I wanted them to play the beatles. I also spent a large portion of my evening speaking to some old people on the table behind me which was good as they where actually interested in some pretty cool stuff. Talked about The Editors alot and how good they are live.

One of the funniest things that happened that night was matt and mathers locking themselves in the boot of mathers' car. It took us three ages to find them and I had to phone matt and mathers was like "we are in the boot". How the hell that happened I dont know.

The 1st was a write off. The only thing we messed up on was not finding the BBQ until after we had already decided not to BBQ which was a let down as we had all remembered our shorts and flip flops. Although I did forget my gloves... bummer.

On the last dat we got up fairly early so that the others could go ice climbing. Me with my foot still killing stayed with the cars and read 185 or so pages of The Stigs autobiography which was actually quite good although I skipped through some of the earlier background chapters to get straight to the good shit.

In the end the trip was fantastic but it was just a shame I busted my foot, although to be honest I was no where near as fit as I should have been. We got a good balance though of some good days on the hill and some good social downtime which really made it feel more like a holiday.

Highlights where:

The man salad.

The phantom shit.

Sex Drive.

Frozen Turf.

Men with hats.

A bottle of house red - £12.99.

Texting 'TIGER1' to 70099.

The downsides where:

Steep Ice.

There will be alot of imperfections with this blog, im tired, deal with it.

Lewis

Stop going the Gym, you look like a Twat (feel free to hit me)!

Now, before this rant commences. Let me start by saying that I in no way have the perfect body, far from it infact. So much so that if I were a women, my dark hair, brown eyes, slender legs, tight arse, big nipples and even bigger boobs would probably be quite desirable. Sadly I am a man however and I must shelve that dream for later life(huh what?).

But in a more serious note I really think I suit the way I am. I mean I am that generic happy on the outside, manically depressed on the inside kind of fat bloke that everybody loves to have as a friend because 'their so funny' or 'always smiling'. So what should change?

I also sometimes wonder that if I did loose that couple of stone that my GP almost certainly believes I should then I would look like them odd blokes that arnt neither here nor there. Kind of drifting around in a world of fashion obscurity where their chests are left to protrude out of t's with an M slapped on them. The sort of people that go into Topman, see the mannequin and think 'yeah, thats for me' until they get home and try it on infront of the mirror and then hope that no one notices nothing fits. Skinny jeans on a fat bloke makes you look like your mum put your clothes in the wash with you in them and turned the heat up for a laugh. Classic example of these are often fat gay men, they love doing this shit.

So, to my original point of the post. People who hammer the gym.

In fairness to people who like to keep fit, I should narrow my insults down. When I say 'gym' I mean 'weights and steds'. I mean to cause no offence and hold only the highest respect for people who can actually be arsed to run every day.

Now that my focus has been corrected to 'people who hammer the weights, steds and the sunbed', Stop It! You look like a Twat!

Also, sweatpants are gay! Unless your at home or in the gym. Not in public you faggots.

Lewis

Everyone is stupid and that almost certainly includes me and you!

Does anyone else get the urge to but members of the public based purely on their appearance?

Tonight I went for what would seem, on paper, to be an unassumingly uneventful pre-christmas shopping trip with my father and sister. We where going to The Trafford Centre(which I now believe to be a mecca for all things loony) with a journey that usually takes about 40 minutes.

It didnt.

Infact it took us closer to two hours and yet peoples willingness and resolve did not falter, we where all determined to shop. The three of us started our evening with some food and thankfully my dad paid. Me and him had curry and my sister had some fries and a mcflurry(together). The curry was alright.

We then split up to go shopping with me going one way and them two going another. I should probably point out at this point that my phone has given up and ceased to function so I am un contactable. We set up a meeting place(outside selfridges) and a time 7.30(one hour from now). "Good" I thought, I will be well and truly shopped out by then.

I started my perusing with a clean slate. I had no idea what I wanted and could never of guessed I would end up not buying anything, infact, not even been interested in anything I saw. The apple shop didnt interest me and hmv had the biggest que known to man.

I decided to go to my favourite clothes outlets but they too where awful. I was walking around looking at people in chequered shirts and hats, looking at chequered shirts and hats. I was annoying. Everyone looked the same. Hairdressers around the uk must be so bored.

Barber "and what would you like today sir"

Prick " What he just had"

Barber " thrilling"

Walking down the aisles of different shops ( H&M, Burtons, Next etc) was like been stuck in an old episode of Scooby Doo but where they were stuck in a clothes store running past the same pissing backgrounds been chased by chavs in disguise(ie jeans and henleys) ! You cant polish shit, chavs. We are onto you!

And where do I begin with the women in there tonight? Jesus! Most of them looked like they where trying to imitate what Lady Gaga would have looked like if she had a head on collision with Asia(the continent not the band) and was then 'had a go on' by some vandal clowns in a backstreet ally in Amsterdam. Disgusting.

The men where no better. I have never seen so many muscly, tight topped, orange men in all my life. If you where to run a hundred yards away and turn around they would look like an angry umpa lumpa routine on steds. You can literally feel yourself getting stupider the longer you spend around these people.

One example I got the pleasure of seeing first hand was when I went to purchase some pepsi max from one of the kiosks. I had already purchased my pepsi max and I was about to turn around and leave when I noticed this wally. He was looking straight at a bottle of lucazade(original not orange, thats important) and you could see him trying to muster the words. In your best thick manc accent if you please :

Wally : Mate, can I have some orange(notice no manners)

Attendant : Yeah sure

Attendant then gets out a bottle of ORANGE FLAVOURED TANGO and presents it to the wally.

Wally : No, Orange!

Attendant : what?

Wally : Orange!

Attendent : This is Orange

Wally : I want the lucazade!

Attendent : oh, there you go!

etc etc

So said wally could only muster the colour of the bottle, he could not process the fact that there where other drinks that where orange on offer, or the fact that the drink he did order, in no way, tastes of oranges.

It seems like there is a running theme in idiots lives. Orange! Which is a shame because my favourite colour is orange but dont hold that against me.

I dont know how I am going to do my christmas shopping now as been around society genuinely stresses me the fuck out. I cant stand it when people try to be just like everybody else. Its just plain boring and annoying. I also dont like how scummy stupid people are allowed to buy normal clothes, they should have to wear tags or have leprosy.

Looks like in 2011 I will be mostly wearing the same clothes I wore in 2010. Which is funnily enough pretty much the same clothing I was wearing 07-09 too.

God I hate you people!

Lewis