Everyone is stupid and that almost certainly includes me and you!

Does anyone else get the urge to but members of the public based purely on their appearance?

Tonight I went for what would seem, on paper, to be an unassumingly uneventful pre-christmas shopping trip with my father and sister. We where going to The Trafford Centre(which I now believe to be a mecca for all things loony) with a journey that usually takes about 40 minutes.

It didnt.

Infact it took us closer to two hours and yet peoples willingness and resolve did not falter, we where all determined to shop. The three of us started our evening with some food and thankfully my dad paid. Me and him had curry and my sister had some fries and a mcflurry(together). The curry was alright.

We then split up to go shopping with me going one way and them two going another. I should probably point out at this point that my phone has given up and ceased to function so I am un contactable. We set up a meeting place(outside selfridges) and a time 7.30(one hour from now). "Good" I thought, I will be well and truly shopped out by then.

I started my perusing with a clean slate. I had no idea what I wanted and could never of guessed I would end up not buying anything, infact, not even been interested in anything I saw. The apple shop didnt interest me and hmv had the biggest que known to man.

I decided to go to my favourite clothes outlets but they too where awful. I was walking around looking at people in chequered shirts and hats, looking at chequered shirts and hats. I was annoying. Everyone looked the same. Hairdressers around the uk must be so bored.

Barber "and what would you like today sir"

Prick " What he just had"

Barber " thrilling"

Walking down the aisles of different shops ( H&M, Burtons, Next etc) was like been stuck in an old episode of Scooby Doo but where they were stuck in a clothes store running past the same pissing backgrounds been chased by chavs in disguise(ie jeans and henleys) ! You cant polish shit, chavs. We are onto you!

And where do I begin with the women in there tonight? Jesus! Most of them looked like they where trying to imitate what Lady Gaga would have looked like if she had a head on collision with Asia(the continent not the band) and was then 'had a go on' by some vandal clowns in a backstreet ally in Amsterdam. Disgusting.

The men where no better. I have never seen so many muscly, tight topped, orange men in all my life. If you where to run a hundred yards away and turn around they would look like an angry umpa lumpa routine on steds. You can literally feel yourself getting stupider the longer you spend around these people.

One example I got the pleasure of seeing first hand was when I went to purchase some pepsi max from one of the kiosks. I had already purchased my pepsi max and I was about to turn around and leave when I noticed this wally. He was looking straight at a bottle of lucazade(original not orange, thats important) and you could see him trying to muster the words. In your best thick manc accent if you please :

Wally : Mate, can I have some orange(notice no manners)

Attendant : Yeah sure

Attendant then gets out a bottle of ORANGE FLAVOURED TANGO and presents it to the wally.

Wally : No, Orange!

Attendant : what?

Wally : Orange!

Attendent : This is Orange

Wally : I want the lucazade!

Attendent : oh, there you go!

etc etc

So said wally could only muster the colour of the bottle, he could not process the fact that there where other drinks that where orange on offer, or the fact that the drink he did order, in no way, tastes of oranges.

It seems like there is a running theme in idiots lives. Orange! Which is a shame because my favourite colour is orange but dont hold that against me.

I dont know how I am going to do my christmas shopping now as been around society genuinely stresses me the fuck out. I cant stand it when people try to be just like everybody else. Its just plain boring and annoying. I also dont like how scummy stupid people are allowed to buy normal clothes, they should have to wear tags or have leprosy.

Looks like in 2011 I will be mostly wearing the same clothes I wore in 2010. Which is funnily enough pretty much the same clothing I was wearing 07-09 too.

God I hate you people!

Lewis