Over the holidays we continued our annual assault on some wintery mountains in Scotland(even though this was my first year of the three due to critical levels of funds, which where only marginally better this christmas) only to find that quite a big thaw had set in which left little amounts of snow and bullet hard ice. Which was nice(shit rhyme).
Me, matt, fonzie, freeman and mathers where on all aboard the love trains for what promised to be one hell of a sexy week. Me and The Fonz where heading up a day late however to ensure we got to ride in the bitching Audi. Our destination was the Inchree centre for we had booked ourselves a chalet for the five nights. On the journey up where were listening to Papa Fonzies Ipod and this proved to be quite fruitfull in what it delivered. There was probably no more than 6 or 7 albums on the Ipod which consisted of love song combinations, one hit wonder compilations and NOW's from the oldschool. I think my favourite song of the journey was on our last leg home when we found this
beaut. I fucking loved this.
"we can dance, we can dance, Everybody look at your hands" Brilliant.
When me and Fonz had arrived the rest of them where still out on the hill and we had to ask for a spare key at reception. This was bad because there was 5 of us and there was only meant to be 4 in a chalet. So we had to be covert. Since we had to be covert I thought it would be best if the trained assassin that is Fonzie would be the right person to go in and get the job done, since if shit did go down he could get rid of everybody in a flash. So anyway, im waiting outside in the cold, in dashing distance of the bushes incase it goes tits up and all of a sudden the door opens and out comes fonzie. Just as I am halfway through saying "well done fonzie" a blond women follows him out. "Fuck, he's pulled already" I thought... worse, it was the women who had the key and fonzie had offered her a lift up to her flat, the dark horse. So now theres me, fonzie and blond women in the car going up to her flat, when she pipes up "isnt there 4 people in there alreadt?" she was wrong and this made it easier to lie. She was also foreign so could not sense our lies.
Our first day on the hill(which turned out to be my only day on the hill) proved eventful. If you want to read a better write up of this than mine is going to be then check out
this. We headed over towards Creise and had to negotiate some tricky frozen rivers which was fun. We then spotted an ice route on the way that had matt nursing a semi and he said he would have to come back and do it someday as it did look pretty spectacular. The rest of them then had a play on some ice and after a lot of abuse and persuasion they managed to make me put my crampons on and go and join them. It took me about five minutes just to move as I was completely shitting myself. Soon enough though we where heading up snow slopes which was fine by me.
We then (against my will) headed up the originally intended route which was a grade 3. It started with an ice pitch, which as we have now established is my favourite. In truth it wasn't too bad, until about half way up I fell off. I fell about 2 meters and was left dangling for about 5 minutes before I mustered the strength to get up and carry on, which was interesting. But actually I enjoyed it when I looked back. We then proceeded to walk down the nice easy gully I had my eye to go up in the first place, which was interesting. Again however this was no where near as bad as I thought it would be.
I did take another tumble(or two) on the way down and knew I had hurt my foot and ankle but wasn't sure how bad. Turns out when we finally got back to the chalet that things where very swollen around that area which was not good. Did mean however that I got to spend the rest of the trip drinking and eating, which is a favoured past time of mine.
The next day was a complete write off for everyone as we where all trashed so we headed into Fort William for an afternoon watching matt contemplating spending his fathers money and mainly sitting in pubs. We had to head back in good time though as we had guests coming that evening and we still needed to cram in a man session whilst we watched RED.
Later on that evening Charly and Phil turned up in the passion wagon to pay us a visit. I was making chilli and they had brought snacks. They also abused our shower. We then watched the 'ruder, cruder, nuder' version of 'sex drive'. Earlier in the day us 5 had watched the normal version and liked it so much we where now going to watch the extended version. You know its going to be good when at the start the director comes on the screen and says "please dont watch this if you have not seen the original as this is not a film, its trash for fans".
That night fonzie got some battle scars on his forehead when he went outside and butted some ice because he is hard. He also said he learnt his lesson.
Cant really remember many details so ill cut straight to new years eve. We went to a hotel down the road and situated ourselves in the bar for some food. We quickly noticed that everyone else had dressed up and that maybe this would not be our sort of evening. This was until we all got smashed and then them worried quickly drifted away.
It was honestly the best new years eve I can remember and I had so much fun. Doing a Ceilidh was so good even though they wanted to do it like five times and I wanted them to play the beatles. I also spent a large portion of my evening speaking to some old people on the table behind me which was good as they where actually interested in some pretty cool stuff. Talked about The Editors alot and how good they are live.
One of the funniest things that happened that night was matt and mathers locking themselves in the boot of mathers' car. It took us three ages to find them and I had to phone matt and mathers was like "we are in the boot". How the hell that happened I dont know.
The 1st was a write off. The only thing we messed up on was not finding the BBQ until after we had already decided not to BBQ which was a let down as we had all remembered our shorts and flip flops. Although I did forget my gloves... bummer.
On the last dat we got up fairly early so that the others could go ice climbing. Me with my foot still killing stayed with the cars and read 185 or so pages of The Stigs autobiography which was actually quite good although I skipped through some of the earlier background chapters to get straight to the good shit.
In the end the trip was fantastic but it was just a shame I busted my foot, although to be honest I was no where near as fit as I should have been. We got a good balance though of some good days on the hill and some good social downtime which really made it feel more like a holiday.
Highlights where:
The man salad.
The phantom shit.
Sex Drive.
Frozen Turf.
Men with hats.
A bottle of house red - £12.99.
Texting 'TIGER1' to 70099.
The downsides where:
Steep Ice.
There will be alot of imperfections with this blog, im tired, deal with it.
Lewis
